Similar to the idea of how gravity isn't only what makes us fall, but also what makes our muscles strong, my relationship with Shaun is currently tinged with ambivalence. (Ha ha ha.. Why do I always end up sounding like such a complete douche when I try to use bombastic language? Probably cause it is inappropriate in this format, but my mom says I should practice using the vocabulary words that I learn in school in my writings.)
I think very often, in the absence of vigilance, it gets hard to see the lines we've drawn until we cross them. Sometimes I wonder if I'm "asking for it" or being ridiculous by relying (too much on)/expecting (too much from) the ones I love, to pull me back from the brink and give me something to hold on to, because I haven't yet decided for myself if emotional self- sufficiency is more of an asset or liability. Quite frankly, I still don't know a single thing that I didn't know a year ago.
I'm very preoccupied at the moment, with finding all the possible reasons disappointment and grief runs through my autobiography. Hopefully, the clean and easy getaway I just made will let the quiet put everything back in the places they belong.
May boyfriends and girlfriends everywhere stop trying to kill each other. Goodnight!
