Anyway, I stopped reading those self- esteem books when I started seeing Shaun a lot last year, and coincidentally, my bathwater stopped collecting between my bones shortly after that. I'm not sure of the significance of this- because it doesn't mean we'll always be together, nor does it mean that we don't hurt each other (unfortunately)- but I find it very interesting when people remain deeply enamored with each other sometimes because of who they are, and sometimes in spite of it. I think being with someone who knows what they have when they have me is one of the best things I've done for myself of late- aside from learning Mandarin (though unsuccessful, but just barely unsuccessful) and going for facials.
I bought myself a book today even though I'm only at page 89 of the book I bought 2 weeks ago, page 133 of the one I bought 3 weeks ago, page 40 of the one that got made into a movie- which I'm now learning didn't do any justice to the book, page 54 of the one my brother Jarrold gave me for Christmas, and page 96 of the one I'm reading for the forth time in less than a year. I should have noticed this sooner, but I think I've cultivated a potentially bankrupting (hence life threatening) habit of buying books whenever I feel particularly unhappy about something. Example: The time I excused myself to the toilet when I got upset with Shaun but wound up at the bookshop by accident, with my mobile phone switched off, where I spent 2 hours and half of my allowance.
Working on the assumption that I don't learn to control my emotions, inculcate within myself the virtue of thrift and become more receptive to the idea of borrowing books from the public library by the time I get my driver's license, I'd have felt unhappy enough times to run up a huge deficit.
Incidentally, there would be no more coal to mine on Earth, because coal is a nonrenewable resource which (as its name suggests) is nonrenewable. Taking full advantage of this opportunity and out of desperation, I would build a really large fire with all my books to create enough heat energy to power 2 small cities. (One being the city where I have a permanent address in, for obvious reasons.) I would extort the shit out of everyone by charging ridiculously high prices for a kilowatt hour of electricity. (Free electricity for loved ones. Duh. Unless they start leaving their water heaters on 24/7.)
My monopolistic reign will last for 5 years before what I thought was an undying fire, would eventually die. Being the short sighted kind of person that I am, I wouldn't have thought of a Plan B. Subsequently, I would say my goodbyes and then throw myself into a volcano.
On a lighter and less extreme note (eg: D flat or A sharp), buying a book is at least 5 times less destructive and harmful than crying excessively, beating other people up, breaking things, drinking alcohol, and snorting cocaine. As an emotionally spastic (but impossibly adorable and good looking) individual with a strong tendency towards escapism, I often withdraw from my community and believe that I'm the people in the book I'm reading whenever something unpleasant happens, mistaking it for an effective solution to every problem. But because it is way past my bedtime and I've always had very little perseverance and a lot of difficulty writing proper conclusions, I will end off awkwardly with a quote.
"Here's to books, the cheapest vacation you can buy" - Charlaine Harris
I will go read now. Until I am completely exhausted and have to go to sleep. Goodnight!
