Not deceived by him writing "Kieran" on the top of his assignments or his Facebook account, I remain convinced that "Kieran" is an alias for Malcom. I also have a strong speculation that the twisted brown doodles drawn on his chest that peek out from his unbuttoned collar are optical fibers. As such, I will spend the next few days fine- tuning my theory about how he sprays on a tan each day to make himself look as if he was perfectly sculpted from chocolate to conceal his real identity: 20 years old, one part British, one part Annoying, mentally retarded.
During the initial days when "Kieran" first started walking with a limp and wearing a knee brace on the outside of his pants, he received a thousand waves of sympathy and support from 99.2% of the girl population at school. (The remaining 0.8%- my friends and I- can spot a chick magnet from miles away.) Unaware of his occupation as a ninja assassin and unimpressed by the manipulation of his pain for profit, I fully utilized/abused the chance to mock him with my fancy footwork and agility. Now remorseful and with a new- found respect for RoboCop "Kieran", I think that I will offer to do his homework for the whole of this week. (_|_ no.)
